I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
