Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
