I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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