what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
