I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
