Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Randomize
