Pants 0. Shit 1.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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