is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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