You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
