I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize