I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
