I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
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