I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Randomize
