Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
