gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
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I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
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You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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