Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
