On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
