My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
