I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize