Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I wannas sexs uuuuu
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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