Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
