i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
