so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I'm passing your future prison.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Randomize
