youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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