just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
