Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
