If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
