An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
