i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
