why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
this hospital has no fireball
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
