Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
