it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
