HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
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