Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
