you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
