Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
