You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
