I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
