laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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