I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
