I hate your face
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Houston, we have a blender
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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