K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
