Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
