I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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