so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
