So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
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