i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize