I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.