I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites