What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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