yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
