can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
