OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
