I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
