peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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