Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
