He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize