My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
