My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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