I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
