and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
