so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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