I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
