You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
