What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
