my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
