If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
