Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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