My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
