he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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