You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
