I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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