Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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