Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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