I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
