good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
don't judge my taste in strippers
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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